Haunting Umbridge
by empresspip
Summary: Okay, so we've heard about UNOPOO and about the amazing firecrackers and the swamp in the school corridors, but what about other things that Fred and George did to haunt Umbridge? Read on and find out... T just incase!
1. Lee Suspects

Hello! I've had this idea for a long time, and I've finally put it into action. I hope you enjoy reading it, and that the sentences aren't too long and convoluted. Oh, and I'm not JK Rowling.

* * *

Of Secret Plans

"So, what's the plan?" Lee asked Fred and George. There must be a plan: as soon as Lee had entered the Gryffindor common room he had seen the usual "We're up to something brilliant" grins on the twins' faces. However, you always knew that the worst was to come the answer was "Oh, nothing." That meant you were about to be the centre of a prank (probably a brilliant prank, but still not a desirable situation).

Lee winced slightly as the suspense grew; the split second before the answer came was always a nerve racking experience. What if Fred and George decided to rig exploding snap cards before offering him a game? What if they offered him something to eat that would turn him into an animal, or a painting, or somebody else altogether? Lee grimaced slightly remembering the famous canary creams. Luckily he had been in on that one. What if-

"Oh, nothing." replied George casually.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

This was bad. Very bad. There had only been one occasion when "oh, nothing" hadn't involved Lee directly. That was when the twins spelled his pet spider so that whenever Lee touched it, it put on a tap dancing display. After the tap-dancing spell had worn off, Fred had casually asked him,

"I don't suppose you ever sang around your spider, did you?"

"No," he had lied blushing, "I don't make a habit of singing." At this George had sighed dramatically,

"And to think we went to all that effort..."

"...our talents wasted on an unmusical lump like you." finished Fred.

"Why?" he had asked very suspicious, "what would it have done?"

"Oh, I suppose it was nothing much." said Fred.

"A mere trifle actually." George had continued.

"Ah, I think I hear it coming now." grinned Fred.

"I think it's been touring the castle." suggested George.

Everyone stopped talking as the sound of L-O-V-E wafted down the hall followed by a large crowd of amused fellow seventh years. Leading the crowd was Lee's spider, displaying acrobatic prowess to accompany the singing.

"Nice spider!" shouted Sam Fetter who sat next to Lee in Potions," Is that you singing? I didn't know that you could sing so well." She laughed and dashed off to Charms giggling uncontrollably. Deciding that now was not a good time to be in public view, Lee had attempted to scoop up the somersaulting spider and head back to his dormitory. Unfortunately Lee's spider had proved evasive, and giving up he had shot _silencio _charms at it until he got the singing spider to shut up.

Afterwards George had muttered to him

"Sorry, we were going for Philippa, you know how she loves your spider. She never stops singing in the girls' dorm, and we thought we were sure to get her. Shame she went to the hospital wing last night, otherwise we would have had the alto line of her choir songs instead."

"Yeah, sorry about that." added Fred, "Tell you what, we'll charm her toad when she recovers from all that knee stuff, that should be amusing."

Unfortunately Philippa's toad died and that plan was never put into action.

Right now was, however, not the ideal time for reminiscing. He was on the verge of being subject to a brilliant but no doubt humiliating prank. Three plans of action:

a) Pretend he had left homework in the library and disappear.

b) RUN FOR HIS LIFE!

c) Rush to the boys' dormitory and inspect the damage.

In a split second decision he went for c, and was soon standing in front of his bed shouting "Reveal your secret!" and prodding his wand at every object he saw. Despite vigorous wand waving and much ranting, no spells were coming up. That meant that whatever Fred and George had done, it must have been very sneaky. They could easily spell something so that "reveal your secret" didn't work. Lee was getting more and more worried. What could it be?

Suddenly there were two dark shapes standing at the door to the dorm. Lee whirled around shouting "reveal your secret!" with an added jab with his wand. He was really getting paranoid now.

Before anyone could do anything, George Weasley was on the floor confessing his love for muggle paper clips, and Alicia Spinnet in poetry.

"Lee!" Fred exclaimed, "What on earth were you thinking?"

_Her hair is as long as an essay for Snape_

"Well you're the ones who told me 'Oh, nothing'", replied Lee, "what did you expect me to do?"

_Her legs as smooth as Crouch's balding head_

"Not shout 'reveal your secret' at everything", Fred said ruefully, "we said it because this is the one plan you can't be involved in."

_Her Quidditch skills make everyone gape_

"Why can't I join you?" asked Lee a bit upset but curious at the same time.

_She leaves Slytherins left for dead_

"You just can't." replied Fred firmly, "Now, how do we get George to shut up?"

"How about… Stop revealing your secret!" Lee tried weakly.

"Thankyou," huffed George, "I thought we'd be hearing the second verse before someone thought to counter-jinx me."

"There's a second verse?" asked Lee cheekily, "I would have _loved_ to hear it."

"Well you can't," said George.

"Just like you can't be part of our plan," said Fred.

And with that they left muttering between themselves while Lee strained to hear what they were saying. He briefly caught an "Umbridge will expel us for sure"and blanched. The twins were right, this wasn't a plan he wanted to be part of.

* * *

So there it is, first chappie. Please review and tell me how it's going so far!

Empress Pip


	2. Stage One

Yes I know, I take years to upload anything. Yes I know, I'm absolutely brilliant and anything I upload is worth waiting years for. (hehe... This is what happens when I stay home alone for a day, I start ranting and thinking I'm wonderful). Just incase, I'm not J.K, as if you thought I were anyway. Enjoy the next chappie!

* * *

**Stage One**

"Finished.", sighed Fred contentedly as he crisply folded the parchment and put the back pocket of his jeans.

"Is there anything we've missed?" asked George, a bit concerned that something would go awry.

"George," said Fred matter-of-factly, "if there is any other possible scenario that you think might occur? We've already planned ahead if a rogue herd of mammoth fossils attacks us, or if Umbridge's third cousin once removed turns up carrying a beach ball, or if a time turner accidentally slips over our heads and takes us back to the day Umbridge gets her first tooth, or if-"

"Alright! Alright!" sighed George, "I guess there's nothing else for us to do now." He glanced at the clock above the mantelpiece in the common room which revealed the time to be one thirty in the morning.

"Today's the day, bro" he grinned at Fred.

"Today's the day." Fred replied. With that they left for their dormitories in hope of a couple hours of sleep. After today, there would be no turning back.

* * *

"No Draco, this is a finger-nail cutting charm. It won't slice anything else." whispered Sam, Malfoy's study partner in the library. Sam was a smart Ravenclaw, and surprisingly, younger than most seventh graders by nearly two years. She had brown, fiercely curly hair and dark eyes that matched. She was also blessed with the warm olive skin and round nose which revealed a Mediterranean heritage. She wore glasses due to terrible eyesight, and could often be seen squinting up at the black board in the front row of the classroom. There were advantages to being so young, mainly that she didn't get unwanted attention because everyone in her year thought she was cute in a baby-ish way, and that fourth/fifth years could pick her brains in study groups without her becoming a complete social reject as she was the same age as them. In fact, some of them tried to flirt with her. 

"Oh, sorry guys, I have to go." she said suddenly after looking at her watch.

"Why?" asked Pansy, "can't whatever it is wait?"

"No, sorry, it's my birthday today. Fred and George promised to get some food from the kitchens for a party."

"Wait," said Draco as she started to leave, "How old are you turning?"

"Fifteen," she answered.

"Then what are you doing in seventh year?" inquired Neville, always indebted to Sam for the academic assistance she has proved to be.

"Well," she replied smugly, "apparently I'm brilliant."

As she rushed out of the library, much to the annoyance of Madam Pince, the study group instinctively split and moved to different tables. It was only in special circumstances that Slytherins sat with Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs or Gryffindors. In the absence of Samantha, all things special had decidedly ended.

* * *

After dumping everything in her dorm, Sam speed along to a disused Charms classroom on the second floor. As she rushed through the door, a loud mob of fifth years started singing "Happy Birthday" in an out of tune sort of way. Sam was tugged and pushed on all sides until she found herself in front of a ridiculously large chocolate cake with "Flappy Shirt Day" scrawled on in white lemon icing. Apparently, the house elf Fred had ordered from did not speak English. Well, that's what he said. 

Beaming with delight, Sam was just about to blow the candles out when George shouted "Wait a minute, the song hasn't finished!" before launching into "For she's a jolly good fellow" followed by "And so say all of us" with several improvised verses with his brother. After the twelfth version (For she's looking a little yellow, and all covered in pus), Ron threw Canary Creams at them and venomously told them to shut up.

At last content to extinguish the flames, Sam took a huge breath and blew out all the candles. She was then offered a knife with which she cut the first slice. The knife slide out of the chocolate covered with big blobs of cake. Thus being so, Sam was obliged to kiss the nearest boy which unfortunately happened to be Neville. She gave him an obliging peck on his very red cheek, half out of charity and half because everyone else was cheering her on. When he keeled over, it took three revival charms to wake him.

Meanwhile in the corner of the very same classroom, a spelled camera was silently absorbing the details of the room. It slowly recorded, in exact detail, every moment of the classroom below it. It watched as Lee tried to see how many slices of cake he could fit in his mouth, it carefully followed Harry as he avoided the advances of a blond Hufflepuff girl, and it even recorded Ron sneaking glances at Hermione as she chatted to the birthday (or flappy-shirt-day) girl. It picked up everything, including the words on the parchment sticking out of Fred's pocket.

Up in her office, Professor Umbridge let out a high pitched giggle.

* * *

So, folks. Like it? Hate it? Please r & r. And also tell me if I have any facts wrong from HP. You never know, my knowledge of the book could be wrong! Dun dun dun daaaa... 

Empress Pip (see, another day when I must have been home alone...)


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